my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
