I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
