hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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