Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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