don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
