Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
