they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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