just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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