its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
