I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless