Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
