the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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