so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
