2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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