No awkward lesbian experiences without me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
