I need to stop coming to work sober
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize