Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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