Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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