hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
