I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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