a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
