Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
