What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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