I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
