My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
