I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How's work?
Spinning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
