Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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