I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
