I molested 6 butterflies tonight
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
