Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
