Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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