I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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