i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
