Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
