there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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