oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
