My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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