He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
