my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
