Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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