Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
