Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
