So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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