What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
