i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
