im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
