Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just invented taco cereal.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
