I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize