even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
