The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
