allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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