She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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