you didnt know i had herpes?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
