I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
