but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
