the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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