Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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