If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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