You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
