I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
