Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
