this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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