I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize