roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it hurts more in the daytime
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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