You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
