The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
