But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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