don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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