yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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