i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
